Red Alert: Menopause Is Destroying My Marriage!

Perhaps to your surprise, menopause and marriage don’t always go hand in hand. No, this doesn’t mean menopause can lead directly to divorce, but there is certainly cause to consider how marriage is affected by menopause.

Remaining informed about a topic, whatever that topic may be, can often be the best preparation to deal with it – this can certainly be the case with menopause and divorce. Mind over body can often be your best approach.

Going into menopause ‘blind’ can cause a lot of issues as your emotions are knocked out of kilter and turn into vicious mood swings, sometimes you may want some context to understand your out of ordinary behavior, or at least prepare for the possibility of it.

There is no direct link between divorce and menopause, although a statistical approach can be helpful, but, whatever you may be going through, couples often go through them together.

Moreover, your own partner may be having their own issues as they approach middle age.

In this guide, we will present the facts and hopefully the context within which you can understand your own changing behaviors and body.


Perimenopause is the transitional period before menopause. Perimenopause causes your hormones to become less, causing your menstrual cycle to change from scheduled to erratic.

While perimenopause can last for a short period of time, or you may be within a period of perimenopause for a long time until reaching menopause.

Some women may find this transition into menopause tougher than menopause itself, as an erratic schedule can be more annoying than having no schedule.

How Perimenopause Can Affect Marriage

How Perimenopause Can Affect Marriage

As with menopause, perimenopause has a large effect on your estrogen levels, and while this affects a lot of things in our bodies, this means your moods can be greatly affected.

You may notice that your moods will change quickly, swinging from one emotional extreme to the next.

This obviously affects your social situations. You can become more prone to flipping out on people, feel specific emotions stronger than you may normally, and potentially become more aggressive.

In addition to these potential symptoms, perimenopause can affect your sleep quite a lot. The fatigue this can cause can lead to a worsening of these mental symptoms.

Moreover, other symptoms may emerge from this exasperation, such as restlessness and an inability to concentrate on things.

While you may be aware of menopause, some women may not know about perimenopause and the potential problems this transitional period can cause women.

If you are feeling symptoms of perimenopause but don’t recognize them, this can certainly cause marital problems.

A 2004 study by AARP suggested that over 60% of divorces are initiated by women between the ages of 40-60.

If you are in the heat of perimenopause and don’t know it you could be led to a decision you may regret.

Recognizing the symptoms of perimenopause before this moment of impulse can allow you to contextualize your own behavior.

Moreover, if you are dealing with someone who is struggling with perimenopause symptoms without knowing it, this can also help you contextualize their behavior.

How Perimenopause Can Affect Your Marriage

If you are going through perimenopause, it is important to recognize that certain changes in your behavior will occur due to your hormones going wild.

You need to recognize that this is not your usual behavior and that acting out of character can be a natural part of going through perimenopause.

Equally, your partner, as a male or perhaps a female who hasn’t yet gone through peri/menopause, needs to understand how perimenopause will affect your behavior and mental well-being.

In order to overcome this period of turmoil, concessions and compromises should be made by both parties.

Perimenopause shouldn’t be an excuse for acting out or for not being loyal. You need to understand your partner has no control over these circumstances either.

Equally, your partner must contextualize your behavior with the current circumstance you are both within.

Perimenopause, when undiagnosed, can definitely be more dangerous for a marriage than menopause.

Understanding your behavior may be caused by perimenopause can be really important to ensure you are making the best decisions for yourself and your partner.

If you feel like you are suffering symptoms of potential perimenopause, consult your medical professional.

They may be able to provide treatments that are proven to mitigate the effects of symptoms on the body and mind.

They can also provide you with a better idea of what to expect.


In comparison to perimenopause, menopause is when you stop having periods full stop.

If your menstrual cycle has stopped completely, you are probably already aware this is caused by menopause, although your symptoms won’t stop there.

If you have already identified perimenopause then you may be prepared for what menopause may cause.

It’s likely that during menopause, the same symptoms you may have felt during perimenopause will be exasperated.

Expect the same mood swings, swings in body temperature, restlessness, and a lessened libido.

Some women find that menopause can be easier if you have dealt with perimenopause as they happened.

How Menopause Could Affect Your Marriage

How Menopause Could Affect Your Marriage

During menopause, women naturally will have a decreased libido as their bodies continue to change, and their mental relationship with sex may change, too.

The same AARP study suggests that both men and women find sex to be an important part of a marriage.

Just because you have entered menopause, you should understand this doesn’t mean that sex is completely off the table.

More importantly, your partner needs to be aware of the surrounding factors that can lead to a loss in libido rather than thinking you are making these decisions for yourself.

Again, this is a game of compromise and concession. If sex isn’t happening as regularly as it used to, maybe you can explore other parts of your relationship.

There are many ways to get intimate, such as cuddling up with a good film, exercising together, or practicing a skill together.

Again, preparation and compromise are your tools to fight the complications of menopause.

To make this period of menopause easy on both parties, communication is key, which means meeting in the middle about your emotions and feelings as well as listening and communicating rather than acting on your own.

Identifying menopause as a contributing factor to marital problems can help both parties contextualize behavior and stay together rather than being pushed apart by not communicating as well as gaslighting their own behavior.

Final Thoughts

Menopause and perimenopause can be hard on a marriage, but it doesn’t have to be this way.

The important thing to remember is to check yourself before you wreck yourself.

Perimenopause can often be undiagnosed in women, when undiagnosed a wealth of problems can emerge and undoubtedly change a person’s decision-making.

The first step to overcoming perimenopause, as well as menopause, is recognizing how it affects you and being able to contextualize your own behavior and impulses.

More importantly, a marriage is built from two people’s love, so it requires you both to compromise for the sake of each other.

Anything less than this will cause marital problems at any age.

Lastly, remember that everything you are feeling is totally normal and is something every woman goes through.

Having a strong support system of women who have been through menopause, as well as your partner, can further help you understand your body and mind as it changes with age.